Is it depression or the 9-to-5?

Hello, it's me, your psychiatrist. It’s good to see you again. I know what you must be wondering, “does reading a letter I wrote count as a session?” Well don’t worry, according to your insurance, it doesn’t, but do worry because my billing staff says otherwise.

I see you came in today because you’re worried you might have clinical depression. I’m glad you came to me because this is a very serious issue, I do also remember you saying you had just graduated college and started your first 9 to 5, is that correct?

Now, these two things may seem unrelated, but there is a chance that this may be less of a serious mental concern and instead just a silly little byproduct of our otherwise unquestionably positive capitalist society.

We need to find out which of these is the true cause in order to treat you properly. Don’t worry though, there’s a way we can test to see what’s really going on.

First off, do you spend most of your time inside sitting in one place for hours on end not moving?

Oh, the office. That’s right. I guess that question isn’t as helpful as I’d hoped. But don’t worry! We have a few more.

Second question, do you find yourself staring at screens nonstop? Are your eyes glued to harmful blue lights?

Ah, that’s right, you have a work laptop. Jury is still out but we’ll get to the bottom of this.

Next up, how do you feel at the end of the day? Are you able to reflect positively on all the events that occurred or are you exhausted, tired, constantly trying to decompress?

Yeah, don’t even bother answering that one. I saw it as soon as I said it out loud.

Ok, hopefully our last question will reveal the truth. 

When you’re not at work for an extended period of time, say on PTO, off for the holidays, or a long weekend, do you feel better? Are you able to feel free to live your life the way that feels best for you? Do you feel refreshed, alive, and able to explore your surroundings and interests?

Well, that solves it! The good news is you don’t have depression. The bad news is that starting a full-time career has given you all the symptoms of depression without me being able to prescribe you anything to ease the pain.

I do have one suggestion that may work though. Have you tried journaling?