Know Your Enemy.

Think about the worst worker at your current job. Maybe they’re unproductive. Maybe they’re a kiss-ass. Or maybe they’re always green yet never reply to your chats. 

Let me tell you about the ‘worst worker’ at my job. There’s this one dork that really fooled me. He sent a welcome message when I first joined the company, and I’m sad to say – I was hooked by the charisma, by the charm. He’s at all the lunches, and all the happy hours. He’s so incredibly cheerful, and personable. Everyone knows him by name. The classic overachiever. 

It’s all a fucking facade, though – it’s just an act. Behind that friendly face is a ruthless desire to climb to the top, by any means necessary, because he gets off to having any sort of formal control.

For now, decades before he’s finally CEO,   I’ve got to deal with the workplace politics, the passive aggressive Slack messages, the ‘per my last email’ reminders, and the meetings scheduled over my lunch period. 

Oh, by the way: He’s taken my credit on multiple occasions, but I can’t say shit since our director loves him so fucking much. 

“I see through all his bullshit,” I say to you, “So why can’t others?” 

You could console me, and say something like “It’s a dog eat dog world” or “Maybe he’s just insecure” or “Sounds like a total clown.”

And I would nod, and agree, and say “You’re right.”

And then I would ask you about the ‘worst worker’ at your workplace. You’d tell me all about them, and then I could say something like “It’s rough out there” or “Maybe they’re going through something at home” or “Sounds like a total chode.”

And we’d go on our merry ways? 

Something’s off. 

Take a second to pause and reflect further. Is workplace antagonism driven by the laborer or are the laborers just pawns in a bigger game?

Back to the ‘worst worker’ at your office — while you’re busy planning their demise — you’re both getting screwed by the same system. It’s like being mad at the other passengers on a sinking ship for taking up too much legroom. 

These frustrating coworker tendencies are fear-borne corporate defense mechanisms. Your “nemesis” is probably just trying to survive, just like you. Your workplace rival isn’t your enemy, they’re your potential ally in the fight against hawkish productivity tracking software, rigged annual reviews, and the “always green” mentality. 

If you think the worker is your biggest problem, they’ve got you exactly where they want you. 

So, what’s the point? To alleviate your corporate angst, should you forgive others? If you were hurt, should you turn the other cheek? 

Should I let Sam, my charismatic corporate conman, walk all over me? That’s not the goal here.

Next time you’re tempted to launch the email tactical nuke, remember: your cubicle enemy is dealing with the same BS you are. They could even be your ally. Instead of taking aim at each other, redirect that energy toward the system that pits you against one another. Start small: share your frustrations, compare notes on those cryptic performance metrics, and band together to challenge those over-lunch meetings. Build solidarity one conversation at a time.

It’s not about letting someone like Sam, the charismatic corporate conman, walk all over you. It’s about realizing that dismantling the system requires collective power. Alone, you’ll stay stuck playing by their rules. Together, you can rewrite them.